


You Don't Have To Be Alone

by CoffeeAndArrows



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Clint/Laura/Nat but it's not really about them, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Lots of Angst, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Red Room, The handcuff thingy, can be read as Steve/Natasha but was written as a brotp, how do you tag, mentions of child abuse, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-02
Updated: 2016-02-02
Packaged: 2018-05-17 21:04:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5885137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeeAndArrows/pseuds/CoffeeAndArrows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was struggling. It was visible from miles away, no matter how well her meticulously applied makeup covered the dark bags under her eyes, or how she always seemed perfectly composed. Too composed, in Steve's eyes. Her past was her own, and he could accept that, but she couldn't keep going like this. Laura Barton had asked him to keep an eye on her, when they had left the farm. </p>
<p>He had no intention of doing otherwise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Have To Be Alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is really angsty sorry :)   
> I just really love Nat and Steve's friendship, so here you go!

She was struggling. It was visible from miles away, no matter how well her meticulously applied makeup covered the dark bags under her eyes, or how she always seemed perfectly composed. Too composed, in Steve's eyes. Her past was her own, and he could accept that, but she couldn't keep going like this. If she carried on, she was going to break.

Laura Barton had asked him to keep an eye on her, when they had left the farm - Clint couldn't always be there for her, and she knew that Natasha could have self destructive tendencies - he had no intention of doing otherwise. 

He could tell that she hadn't been sleeping well since the Ultron fiasco - unsurprisingly - and she was trying so hard to cover it up, but one day soon it was all going to get too much. Hell, it was probably already too much, but there was Natasha for you - determined to carry the world on her shoulders, convinced that she always had to be strong.

Their first meeting hadn't been like this. She had always been distant, making an effort to keep other people at arm's length - not trusting them, not giving them a chance - but not like this. Something had changed in Sokovia, and he couldn't put his finger on it. Natasha seemed... 

Steve swallowed the lump in his throat, stepping from his doorway to greet his fellow avenger as she walked past. Someone had to intervene, and it was hardly likely that she would listen to any of the newbies.

'Hey Nat. Can we talk for a minute?' If only Clint was here; he always seemed to know how to help her, how to bring her back from the depths of her mind. Her eyes met his, and through her cool, collected exterior he could see pain. So much pain. He could feel his heart break as he watched her feet take weary steps across the room. How could someone carry that much pain?

Nodding to the bed, he gestured for her to sit down, and as she perched delicately on his mattress he studied her features. Ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach, Steve sat down next to her, being careful to leave her enough space.

Nat was one of his closest friends, so why did he struggle to find the words to talk to her?

He cleared his throat. 'What is it?'

Confused, Natasha turned to look at him, a small frown flickering briefly across her face 'I'm fine.'

'No, Nat, you're not.' Steve ran his fingers through his hair.

He knew this wasn't going to be easy, but it had to be done. Even if she hated him for it. 

'It's been two weeks, and you haven't been sleeping. Nat, you have to sleep, and if you're not okay, let me help you. Or let someone else help you, it doesn't have to be me.'

Her gaze shifted to the floor, and she twisted her hands around each other, her knuckles going white. 

'Nat, I know you want to do this alone, but you don't have to.' It hurt, to watch her struggle, barely keeping her head above the water. She needed to let go, to let someone in. She was trying, he could tell that, but she was at the avengers facility whilst the only people that she truly trusted were in Iowa.

He had seen how she was at the farm, the way that she was with Clint and his wife. He had thought... never mind. That was their business, not his. They were close though, and the farm was her home.

Admittedly, he would never know how much it meant to her that she had somewhere safe, somewhere she could call her own. A family. But he had seen the way that she would give up everything for Clint, he had seen the way that Laura held her when she was falling apart, the way that the children loved their Auntie Nat. Maybe that was enough.

Shaking himself from his thoughts, Steve ran his eyes across Natasha's face. Maybe he wasn't cut out for this. He should have let Sam talk to her, he used to help out at the VA, he knew what he was doing.

'I can't sleep.'

Steve's eyes shot up to meet Natasha's, searching her eyes. He nodded, encouraging Nat to continue, but her gaze shifted back to the floor. His voice gentle, he asked 'Do you know why?'

At his question, Nat visibly drew into herself, pulling her legs in and wrapping her arms around them. She rested her head on her arms, hiding her face from him.

Steve reached out his hand, brushing it across her back in an effort to soothe her. ' 's okay Nat, you don't have to tell me if you don't want. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked.'

She took a deep, shaky breath, and then another one, trying to collect herself. Steve absentmindedly rubbed soft circles on her back, and eventually she replied, her words muffled. 'It's okay.' 

After what felt like forever, she raised her head, her eyes flicking towards his briefly before she fixed her gaze on the floor. 'In the red room, they used to handcuff us to our beds. When we went on missions they gave us handcuffs, and we would do it ourselves. Always. Without fail.'

Steve's eyes widened, and he tightened his arm around Natasha's shoulders. She continued as if he wasn't there, carefully ignoring his reaction.

'I guess... It kind of became a habit.'

This time, Steve was unable to stop himself from letting out a pained gasp. Did she mean...? 'Nat, are you saying -'

Ignoring him, she continued 'When Clint found out, he was so determined to help me, but the years and years of programming were hard to break. I couldn't do it, I couldn't just...' She swallowed painfully, blinking back tears. Suppressing a shudder, she moved closer to him, ignoring the ice in her veins. 'It felt like it took half a lifetime, but with Laura's help we did it. I was free of them. Finally.'

Them. He tried not to let his anger show on his face as he realized that she had stopped talking about the handcuffs. This whole thing was so much bigger than that.

She paused, taking in his reaction, and the endless silence stretched between them. 

'Why do I feel like that's not the end of the story?'

Biting her lip, she added 'After DC... When I was away from the farm, on missions, or...' She bit her lip, fighting the memories that threatened to take her and push her under icy water, keeping her there forever. 'I couldn't sleep, so I started using them again. I had to. It was only occasionally, I didn't think it mattered so much. But... I was letting them win.'

'After... when Wanda... when we went hom- to the farm, I talked to Laura, and I told her about it, about not being able to sleep without them.'

He could feel her trembling next to him, her shudders piercing his soul with ice. She wasn't alright. Whatever she told him, she was very, very not alright. 

Her voice was barely audible as she whispered 'I told her I wouldn't do it anymore.'

This time, she couldn't keep the tears back, and they fell hot and fast down her cheeks. 'I can't...'

Oh. She couldn't sleep without them, but she wouldn't break her promise to Laura. Because she knew in her heart that Laura was right, that giving in meant that the Red Room would have won. And it was destroying her. Oh, Natasha. 

Brushing the tears from her eyes, Steve turned to embrace her properly, offering the only support he could. How was it possible for one person to carry so much pain? How was it possible to keep going, when your life was so filled with horror?

He couldn't fix this. There wasn't a way to take back her childhood, to erase the things which had been done to her. But if he just let Natasha carry on like this... She needed more than he could offer her, she needed help and support and love. She needed to be with the people who love her unconditionally, her family - the people that she was willing to destroy the world for, that she was willing to destroy herself for.

'Natasha... Nat. Take some leave, okay? Take a break. Go home.'

She turned to look in his eyes, and he could see the turmoil inside of her clearly written across her skin. He could count on one hand the amount of times he had seen her truly vulnerable, knew how much it cost her.

'I don't have a home.'

This time, he forced his lips up into a smile as he replied. 'Yes Nat, yes you do. Go to the farm. Rest. Okay?'

She shook her head, almost frantically. 'I can't leave the training to you, we have to -'

'No, Nat. No. I'll call Tony or something. Okay? But you deserve a break.' 

The silence stretched for what seemed like forever, but finally Nat nodded, and quietly murmured her thanks, slipping from his room.

Smiling, Steve watched her leave the room. Natasha deserved a chance to recover. She pretended to be untouchable - she had been trained to be perfect, to have no emotions - but she was still human. She was so, so human. When would she learn that she didn't have to be alone?

Captain America would always look after his team, but more importantly, Steve Rogers would always make sure that his friends were not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!   
> Your comments spur me on <3


End file.
